Simplicity
by mkras
Summary: DS "Despite your delusions of grandeur, I don't spend my time thinking about you or what you might do." She saw him cringe ever so slightly through the corner of her eye... and it pleased her.


I've been re-watching the first seasons of a lot of my favourite shows at the moment (hence my other story _Fire_) and now this story. I'm really not a big fan of Dan/Serena, like **at all**. But I found myself just itching to write this for some reason. Anyway, if I had to put a time frame on this I'd say just after 1x02,_ The Wild Brunch._

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**Simplicity**

_Forever longing for something out of reach, it can weigh on your mind like nothing else, turn poignant moments into watered down emotions just like that. It makes things feel unfinished and so unfulfilled you sometimes think you might have overslept and missed the taste of passion escape your life. You wish you'd taste it again, but it feels distant and intangible, too foreign to ever recreate. It leaves you with endless possibilities of what you could be if only you could have your desire back. If only you could get that simple second chance to grasp at your true wants._

"Do you really think I'm just going to leave you here?"

His eyes burned with something she had never seen before. Something feral and untamed, and utterly uncontrolled for such a defined person such as him. Maybe she didn't know the true extent of his character. Maybe she hadn't ever had any reason to push him, see how far he'd budge. But tonight. Tonight Serena van der Woodsen felt like playing games. Testing out the borders if you will. And as everyone knew, she always did what she felt like.

"Despite your delusions of grandeur, I don't spend my time thinking about you or what you might do." She saw him cringe ever so slightly through the corner of her eye... and it pleased her. It soothed all those demons that were clawing at her insides, which were craving for more pain to feed them. Whether it was hers or others. And like the self-sufficient survivor that she was, Serena knew she'd never sacrifice herself. She'd merely lash out and feel that moment of relief wash over her; finding solace in the fact that she wasn't the only one in pain. Not the only one ready to crack and crumble, she would manage to make someone else feel just that little bit worse. With what she thought was a confident gesture, she swiped up her glass and brought it to her lips. The cool sensation of the ice cubs contrasting dangerously against the heat of the alcohol as it slithered down her throat in ease.

Her shaky hand betrayed her emotions, to only him. Because he was so trained at studying her, however embarrassing that was to admit. Dan enjoyed studying her, taking her in and picking her apart inside his head. He liked to think that he could find those secret hidden parts of her and enjoy them while everyone else just stopped cold at that harsh exterior of hers. He knew better, he was certain of it. There was something else to this girl, something he was smart enough to notice.

Dan covered her hand with his just as she was about to lift the glass back to her lips again. She met his eyes then, and she fought to lose herself in the mahogany darkness of them. It didn't work, that wretched thing swimming around in her stomach wouldn't let her see anything beautiful. It wouldn't let her enjoy it, and she pushed him off, downing the last bit of acrid tasting liquor into her throat.

"Don't act like you know me, or what I'm thinking!" her voice boomed throughout the abandoned seedy bar they had found themselves in. She was commanding him not to care, while wishing he would anyway. And somehow. He understood.

"Tell me what happened," Dan offered, his tone that soft comforting one she had tried to resist for too long. Serena looked at him then, her eyes refusing to blur over despite the illegal amounts of alcohol she had managed to consume. She was forced to look at him, really study him, like he seemed to be doing with her since forever.

"Why do you like me?" Serena asked, almost childlike, out of the blue. They were both stunned in silence for a moment, and she started to regret the very question that had been hammering at her for months now.

He went back to the Dan she knew, the one she had chosen to ignore so stubbornly all her life. He smiled, shyly, like he wanted to crawl into himself and never come out. I guess there are boundaries to bravery, she thought idly and tried not to look at him but found she couldn't look away either. "Do I make you nervous Dan?" She spat out smugly, wanting to return to their former roles, and all the comfort that went along with those easy to play characters they had both been. Before her life unraveled and he seemed to be the only one who could understand or save her.

"You don't have to do that you know," he retorted out of the blue, his dark sparkling eyes hidden behind a layer of unruly sandy hair.

Serena was stumped for a moment, she hadn't counted on him regaining his composure. "W-what?" she stuttered to her dismay. "I'm not doing anything, stop imagining things. Aren't you a little too old for make -believe?" Her shaky mouth curved itself into a smirk, one that threw off the balance of things inside of her. She wasn't sure why but it felt more complicated now that she was grasping for lasts bits of anger to keep her sane. It didn't feel right, or maybe it just wasn't right at all, plain and simple.

"Yes you are Serena, you're trying to pick a fight. You're trying to make this all seem normal, or whatever the crap between us was supposed to be," Dan looked uncomfortable as well; maybe he didn't like the taste of complication anymore than she did. "You can't insult your way out of feeling bad," his eyes begged her to trust him, to give him the benefit of the doubt and maybe a split second to state his argument; all things she could never meet. Serena's eye fell greedily on the prettily displayed bottles of mind numbing liquids at the other side of the bar counter.

"Maybe if I try hard enough, or drink hard enough. It just won't matter anymore."

Dan took her hand in his again, and this time she allowed it, she maybe even cherished his kindness for once. She really didn't know anymore, and as she blinked back the tears that wanted to stream down her face, she pondered why she hadn't ever given Dan Humphrey a real chance. Maybe because real chances didn't come cheap, or she'd seen what people did when you gave them your hand so many ugly times before with her parents. Her mom would just slap it away, or her dad would just swallow any chances down with a bottle of vodka. People could smell vulnerability and she wasn't about to get mauled because of a little whiff of weakness.

"I heard some things." A wry smile came to her lips then, and she closed her eyes for a moment, reliving things he had no clue about. "I was in my room and I could hear them, arguing again. "

She looked at him then, with those large doe-like eyes of hers, and he wanted to gather her in his arms that second. Something had cut her open and she was actually showing him the wound. After years of secretly scrutinizing her from afar, he was finally given access to her depths.

"You'd think after the divorce the screaming would stop, you'd think they'd move on. But it never ended Dan, not with them." Her tone ended in a whimsical whisper, as if the words escaping her weren't allowed to collide with the air just beyond her lips. They were too fragile, too delicate to be uttered aloud. "I never really knew why they fought so much, why my parents really divorced. I was only 6 then."

Dan smiled lovingly at her, letting his eyes take in everything with the greatest care.

"…and then-" Serena paused, taking a small breath, regaining her composure, "he left…and there was silence. Only silence."

Dan forgot all about rules and boundaries, as he pulled her into his arms. "I'm sorry." He murmured into her soft curls before kissing her temple, and apologizing for something he could never really fix. She gave him a terse look, but conceded and buried herself in his arms. Former roles forgotten, it felt good to be recast.

Serena was the first to break free, as the urge to keep from crying was about to fail her on the spot. "You're okay, Dan." She smiled charmingly, and gently flicked her fingers against the loose hairs covering his complicated eyes. She liked that he was complicated, that he had layers to him. But it made him easy too, simple in his complexity. She wanted to laugh at her own thoughts but they felt comforting nonetheless.

Her hand came up to frame his face then, unexpectedly so yet so predictable in its possibilities. "Yeah, you too," he'd breathed then, and it made her let out a half laugh, half sigh. Relief was coursing through her veins at the prospect of this inexplicable action. She closed her eyes, simply letting go, and brushed her mouth against his bottom lip. Sucking, nipping until her stomach couldn't hold the sensation in, and she moaned. Their eyes both flicked open, surprise and arousal dancing heady circles around their brains. "Are you sur-" his words were briskly cut off by breathless beautiful kisses neither of them had ever expected. Serena nodded her head then, when she felt his large hands glide around her waist and press her closer against him. She was certain, she was so damn sure she wondered how she managed to go about not kissing him all this time. He sucked softly on her bottom lip, before his tongue came dueling with hers and left her stomach in a dizzying tangled knot.

Something clicked then, shifted again, for the worse this time. Her fear clouded the pleasure and relief, her fear was what made her shrink back from him… from their kiss. Her damned fear again, ruining things before they had a chance to do that all by themselves. You're sure, he had asked, he had wanted to check if she was okay. If she was sure this is what she wanted. Oh if only he would've shut up and kissed her, why did he have to be so nice. So good and considerate and always so perpetually well brought up.

Dan was still looking at her, all dazed and kiss swollen lips, lust and other emotions glazing over those dark eyes she had begun to care for. She didn't do that though, care for people. Caring makes everything harder when they leave.

"I can't, it's too hard Dan." Those wretched tears were heralding their arrival again, and Serena felt like her throat was about to close up and cut off all air. She couldn't seem to catch her breath. And breathing seemed to be the only thing she could ever need right then. "I know," he replied, simple as that. He knew, he understood. Dan Humphrey, the boy who waited. The boy who was wearing her down, bit by bit, wall by wall. She smiled for him then, and everything seemed worthwhile again. It all seemed worth the wait, worth the work it took to eventually get there. Serena interlocked her fingers with his, gazing at their hands and then back into his eyes.

"Thanks for making this easy." She was grateful, and so she did the only thing she could think of.

Serena van der Woodsen kissed Dan Humphrey on the cheek. That's as simple as it could ever get.


End file.
